


STUNG by a 3-FOOT LONG HORNET, and several other things

by StupidStory



Category: Breaking Trail
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-09
Updated: 2019-12-09
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:28:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21726040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StupidStory/pseuds/StupidStory
Summary: Coyote Peterson endures unimaginable pains for science.
Comments: 1





	STUNG by a 3-FOOT LONG HORNET, and several other things

Coyote Peterson turned to the camera, holding a beautiful African-American lady wearing a cold shoulder top in his entomology forceps.

“I'm Coyote Peterson, and I am about to enter the friend zone. Here we go!” Coyote then cleared his throat and turned to the lady in the cold shoulder top.

“Hey, do you wanna go out sometime? Like on a date? Here's my number, so call me maybe.”

“Whoa, no. But I am cool with being just friends and it can be a casual hangout.”

“AAAAAHHH! OOOOHHH! OHMIGOSH! OHMIGOSH! Oh man, this is really bad,” Coyote clutched his chest in pain.

“You okay?” Mark asked.

“Yeah,” Coyote said quickly. He unbuttoned his shirt. “Oh my gosh, look at that swelling on my chest from where she broke my heart! OWWW! You can see how red it is right there. AAAUUUGHH!” He pointed somewhere on his lower left chest. “That spot right there was where the stinger went in. I can feel the venom spreading. Oooh man, this is about like the Japanese giant hornet in terms of pain. OOOOWWWW OOWWWW it's getting worse!”

At some point he was almost on the verge of tears. “Cut the camera!”

Once he was out of the hospital, he uploaded that in a video, titled “STUNG by a GIRL REJECTING ME.”

Next he climbed back into the Odyssey and flew to a mysterious place known as the Floraverse.

“Our new destination is an eldritch location called Floraverse and it is full of Eldritch creatures known as angels. I am about to high-five one.” (I have only read a teeny tiny bit of Floraverse, so if I get some information wrong, sue me). “These Floraverse angels live in lush rainforests full of flora, and they live on a steady diet of Japanese giant hornets, giant desert centipedes, and executioner wasps. I have my entomology net here so we can capture one and study it.” Coyote waved around his net seemingly randomly until he successfully captured a Floraverse angel. “Excellent!” He cheered. The angel looked kinda like a mix between baby Yoda and Batman. It was beating its wings furiously, desperately attempting to escape the net. “Wow, look at those pulsating arms. I am not looking forward to high-fiving this thing.”

Coyote put the angel inside the glass container to observe it. “Man it looks really pissed off.” He took a deep breath. “I'm Coyote Peterson, and I'm about to high-five a Floraverse angel. Here we go.” He took another deep breath. “One...two...three...” Coyote stuck out his hand. “High five!” The Floraverse angel high-fived him back, breaking through the glass as if it was nothing. “AAAAAHH!!! OOOHHHH! HOLY MOTHER OF CTHULHU! Wow! Oh man! I have no words!”

“How bad is it?” Mark asked.

“I... I...” That was all Coyote could say. His breathing became so rapid each exhale and inhale became one. This all went into a video titled “High-fiving a Floraverse Angel.” I don't know what would happen if a human actually high-fived a Floraverse Angel, hence the brevity, and I'm too lazy to speculate beyond the typical screaming in pain.

He browsed through the comments looking for inspiration for more videos. “I'm Coyote Peterson and I'm about to shoot myself in the balls.” “I'm Coyote Peterson and I'm about to go through childbirth.” “I'm Coyote Peterson and I'm about to step on a Lego.” “I'm Coyote Peterson and I'm about to lick the sun.” He giggled at some of these and more.

Coyote decided to do the 'childbirth' one, so he went into a hospital. “Hey surgeons, I want a uterus and vagina transplant so I can give birth.”

“I'm sorry, we don't take such requests lightly.”

“Did I mention I identify as a woman?”

“Oh. Well in that case, come on over to the operating room.”

“Sweet.” Coyote eagerly lied down in the operating room, awaiting his uterus and vagina transplant. “Also, I don't want anesthesia. This needs to be as painful as possible so my viewers can be entertained.” The surgeons obeyed, and he endured the surgery without anesthetic.

After the surgery and some more steps, he faced the camera. “I'm Coyote Peterson, and I'm about to go through childbirth. Here we go. OOHHH OOWWWW!” Coyote was sweating profusely as the baby advanced about a millimeter per hour. “Oh my gosh, this is on par with the bullet ant. Actually I think it might be slightly worse. OOWWWWW OHHH! This is like getting kicked in the balls times a thousand!”

Once the baby was fully pushed out, the doctor declared “it's a boy!”

“Aww, how cute. He's even born with a tiny executioner wasp attached to his forearm! I'm gonna name him Roadrunner and hope he tries to use ACME products on me.”

In a video titled “Licking the Sun,” Coyote, Mark, and Mario traveled in the Odyssey to the Sun kingdom, a.k.a. The sun itself. “I'm Coyote Peterson and I'm about to lick the sun. Here we go!” He put his tongue to the sun's surface. “OWWW HOTHOTHOTHOT!” He screamed and ran around much like Mario (the Italian plumber guy) does when he falls in lava or gets hit by fireballs in the 3D platformers. He quickly downed an entire carton of milk in a handful of gulps.

“This makes the Carolina reaper feel like liquid nitrogen. Oh man! I am not looking forward to pooping this one out.”

Several hours later, poop it out he did. It was like Zazu going into the birdie boiler in the Lion King. The next person to use that restroom would notice a Coyote Peterson-shaped hole in the ceiling right above the toilet.

He also shot himself, dove naked into a vat of molten aluminum, went down to see the Elephant's foot in Chernobyl, and did leg day at the gym.

“Okay, now what? I am out of ideas.” Coyote said. “Guess I'll have to reupload older content.”

“Or you could get stung by a certain insect that is said to have a more painful sting than the executioner wasp.” Coyote turned his head to see that a mad scientist-looking guy wearing a white lab coat had joined them. Coyote's interest was piqued.

“This insect is called the Hell-eater hornet and it dethrones the Japanese giant hornet as the world's largest hornet. It is 3 feet long with an 8-inch long stinger. It is more easily angered than straw feminists, and WHEN you make it angry it can chase you cross-country. Their hives are underground skyscrapers and they in New Jersey. The Hell-eater hornet has never been documented on the Insect Sting Pain Index.”

“Well guys, let's take a trip to New Jersey so I can get myself stung by this thing.”

Coyote, Mark, Mario, and the mad scientist all get in the Odyssey and set sail for New Jersey.

“I'm Coyote Peterson, and I am about to enter the sting zone with, the Hell-eater Hornet. Here we go!” Still gripping the wriggling 3-foot long hornet in his forceps, he slowly lowered the hornet abdomen first onto his forearm. The sound of it flapping its wings sounded exactly like a helicopter. “One... Two... Three...” He pressed the stinger down onto his forearm and almost immediately afterward extreme pain beyond compare spread throughout his arm faster than the universe expanding.

“OWWWW! IT'S STUCK IN MY ARM!” OOOOHHH AAAAHHH!” Coyote screamed, with the hornet's massive stinger piercing straight through his arm and poking out the other side. It took him a few minutes to slowly work the hornet out of his arm and quickly back underneath the glass container. He breathed heavily and clutched his arm in agony.

“Are you okay Coyote?”

“Must.. resist... urge... to ... swear... OH FUCK, I CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE! GOD DAMMIT! CUNT! COCKSUCKER! SHIT! MOTHERFUCKER! Man, you know this is a whole new level of pain when I actually swear. This makes the executioner wasp seem like wearing pajamas and cuddled up in a blanket in front of a fireplace on a cold winter day. The Hell-eater hornet is without question the new King of Sting! The Insect Sting Pain Index is laughable at this point. I think this would get a 9004 on that.”

2 weeks later, the pain only slightly let up.

“Welp, time to put this on YouTube. May I have the footage?” Mark hesitated.

“Um, may I have the footage?” Coyote repeated. Beads of sweat poured down Mark's face.

“Um, please don't be mad, but I forgot to hit the record button,” Mark admitted reluctantly.

“You're kidding, right?”

“No sir. I am telling the truth.” Coyote's head exploded like a nuclear bomb.

“DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT! You realize I spent an entire 2 weeks in extreme agony and got about 5 minutes of sleep a night on average so I could continue to stay relevant on YouTube, right? But it all was ultimately for naught. Now I gotta do it ALL OVER AGAIN and this time, I will make sure to hammer it into your stupid little head and if you somehow forget again this time I swear I will send the entire nest after your sorry ass! GOT IT?” Mark nodded.

The above scene with the Hell-eater hornet was repeated pretty much exactly, except this time he made sure to ask “You are recording, right?” every 20 seconds, not caring in the slightest how annoyed Mark was getting. When he got to the step where he was holding the hornet above his forearm, he said that in between every word.

“I'm You are recording, right? Coyote You are recording, right? Peterson You are recording, right? And You are recording, right? I'm You are recording, right? About You are recording, right? to You are recording, right? Enter You are recording, right? The You are recording, right? sting You are recording, right? Zone.”

“YES I AM RECORDING! HAPPY NOW?” Mark snapped.

And then after getting stung: “OWWW! AAAUUUGH! You are record-”

“SHUT UP BEFORE I CUT THE CAMERA AND DELETE ALL THE FOOTAGE!”

Once again he had the stinger stuck through his arm and then was curled up on the ground in a fetal position on the ground and another 2 weeks of excruciating agony with an average of 5 minutes of sleep a night.

“I am never, EVER doing anymore sting episodes. NO MORE!” As if on cue, the mad scientist came running to Coyote.

“Hey Coyote. I hate to burst your bubble but there is still yet another more painful sting out there in the lab-I mean out there somewhere in Australia that's only recently been discovered. It is said to make the Hell-eater hornet look like a massage. It is called the discussing politics wasp. The discussing politics wasp is a wasp whose sting is so painful that you would rather argue about politics on Thanksgiving dinner with your racist uncle. One half of its body is red and the other half is blue.”

“Come on! Let's go then! I gotta get stung by it!”

“OWWW, this is even worse than the Hell-eater hornet! This is undoubtedly the new King of Sting.”

The scientist came in again. “Sorry to burst your bubble, but there exists a sting even more painful than that of the discussing politics wasp, called the nuclear ant, which lives in Louisville Kentucky. Getting stung by it will bring 83 days of unbearable agony comparable to nuclear radiation poisoning.”

“Well then we gotta-wait a minute...” _Hmm, that's odd. Everytime I get stung by the most painful insect, I am then conveniently alerted to yet another insect that I've never heard of that is said to potentially have a more painful sting. Something about this is starting to seem a little fishy,_ Coyote thought to himself. He decided to take a shot in the dark.

“Hey mad scientist, are you by any chance genetically modifying existing insect species to produce the world's most powerful stings and outdoing yourself each time?”

“Oof. Well, you got me. Yes, I am. And I'm doing it for your success.”

“I am NOT doing the nuclear ant cuz then you'll just make an even more painful sting than that, and so on ad-infinitum.”

“What if I told you that I have some T-rex DNA that I can make a real T-rex out of.”

“Yes, please! T-rexes don't have stingers as far as I know.”

In a video titled “BITTEN by a T-REX,” Coyote came face to face with a real-life T-rex.

“I'm Coyote Peterson, and I'm about to enter the bite zone of a T-rex. Here we go!” The T-rex promptly bit Coyote's head off.

“Oh my gosh, are you okay man?” Mark asked. Coyote was unresponsive. “He's not answering, should I be worried? At least he's not screaming.” He still kept the camera on Coyote's headless body. “Hasn't told me to cut the camera or anything.”

“Imma call the paramedics.” Mario said.

“Why? He's not in pain or else he'd be clutching the site of the injury and screaming.”

“Oh yeah, good point.”

Several years later the camera crew was still filming the episode, waiting for Coyote to give the okay to stop filming.


End file.
